Posts Tagged: relationships

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Because I wanted to, that’s why. I couldn’t fucking stand another day being his ‘girlfriend’, his ‘partner’, his ‘baby’. It was just too fucking much. In hindsight, making a move on his best friend probably wasn’t the best move, but I knew it was a sure fire way to get him to end it with me. I’m a coward, I know. I should have just ended it with him instead of looking like a bitch and being hated by all our joint friends. I mean, what kind of sane person does that? Yeah, I mean I could blame it on the joint and the beers I had with Tom. The sexual tension that has always been there was made stronger with my…our, drink and drug induced state, but i know it wasn’t the right way to go about it.

Damn it was good though, and that wasn’t just the weed and alcohol talking. I know he felt it too, and he didn’t exactly stop me as I leant in to kiss him. It was quite the opposite. He pulled me in, it was hot, it was heavy. His lips tasted so good, and we were a tangle of limbs until Adam walked in. Of course Tom pushed me off him, told Adam it wasn’t what it looked like, while Adam screamed at me to get the fuck out. Yeah, if you said I deserved it you’d be damn well spot on. Bros before Ho’s – that’s the phrase and it certainly applied here. Adam kept his best friend, Tom can be very persuasive and Adam believed every word. It was all my fault according to him. We smoked and I jumped him. Bullshit. He loved every second of it; he had the hard-on to prove it. That’s why he’s coming over tonight. Secretive yes, shameful also. But you can’t judge me until you know everything.

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No. Yes. Maybe. I’ve always been terrible at decision making. I thought you knew that by now, well, you should anyway. You can’t just spring it on me out of nowhere. ‘Lets move in together!?’. What? Okay so maybe it wasn’t out of nowhere; it was the next logical step, a natural progression in the relationship. But is it really what I want? I mean, really, do you want to live with me? Yeah I’m good at cooking, I’d make sure everything was clean…I’d be a proper little housewife, but it could ruin us. There’d have to be rules. No. I’m serious. Don’t look at me with a raised eyebrow like that. Stop it. You’re too cute and don’t try to distract me. If you leave dirty clothes laying around, I’ll kill you. Well, not literally, obviously, but I won’t be happy. Oh! And something I know you do at your place that you absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, ever do with me. Don’t leave dirty dishes in the sink. It’s gross. I can see you smirking. Stop it! If this is going to happen, if it’s really going to work, then these things need setting out now. No, I’m not saying yes. Don’t take it the wrong way though baby, I’m not saying no either. Quite frankly, I hadn’t put much thought into the matter. Oh. Really? You’d been contemplating it for months. Shit. That makes me feel like a bad girlfriend. No! I’m not turning this around to be all about me. Please. I don’t want to fight about this. Let’s have a trial run. Yeah? I mean, I can stay here for a couple of months, I’ll move some stuff in, but I’m keeping my own place. No. It’s not because I don’t think it will work. Jesus, do you have to be like this!?

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He wanders into the living room, his large, rough hands ruffling his long chestnut brown hair, his deep sea-blue eyes are filled with such sadness, and he seems so much older than his twenty three years. He hasn’t left this house in countless days. He feels as though his world has been torn apart. There’s no sense of time for him. Seconds, minutes and hours quickly turning into days, weeks of grief. Losing a loved one is always hard, hell, he’d lost so many people before, but he just couldn’t prepare for the loss of his father like this.

 

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